I have to admit – this is the 4th time sitting down to write this post.
I have written 2 uninspired drafts, and 2 full-on entries, that I read back grumpily days later and deleted.
None of them felt right.
They were forced – literally – because I felt like I owed you an update. I did! I wanted to write! But when I sat down to get going, nothing actually came together.
I even made a whole analogy about how my ideas were knotted and tangled and I couldn’t find a decent thread to start with. It went on for at least 3 paragraphs; we got real convoluted.
I jumped ship.
Now I think I’m finally at a point where I need to write.
This one is back to my rambling thoughts and happy-typing.
I’m just here – hello my dears ❤
The following updates might help explain why I’ve been a little overwhelmed and MIA….
- My final year at School Name ended. I said my goodbyes to current and past students, and to staff. This sounds simple enough, but if you know me, you know goodbyes, or emotions in general, are not my forte.
That last week was one of red eyes and tissues, and it took very little to trigger a whole new mess. To those of you who were there, thank you for whatever it was you offered, be it a shoulder, a warm word, or just your patience and withheld judgement in the moment. Y’all know who you are – so much love.
- I donated half my life to charity shops and friends. There’s only so much you can bring home in 2 suitcases.
I tossed most of it because selling it felt like too much effort, if I’m being honest. It was given to my curb-side neighbours, to my friends if they seemed keen, or dropped off at a local shop. I just needed to get to the finish line.
- I had dinners and brunches, visits and road-trips, trying to get in last minute send-offs with friends.
- I left the country.
- I moved into my mother’s house.
(No offence mama, love you!)
- Unpacked my life.
- Got a new phone number.
- Visited family in Ottawa.
- Went camping.
- Saw ‘Come From Away’!
- Met with friends.
- Bought a car.
Won the lottery Rode a horse Bungee jumped Found a four-leaf clover Flew to Mars
- Got my Timmies fix.
Obviously I’m skimming, but basically I’ve been busy.
TLDR: I’m officially back on Canadian soil, living a Canadian life.
Writing when I’m a big mess of stress, anxiety and raw emotions isn’t fun, and it’s definitely not cute.
The melodramatic teenager that’s still sitting somewhere in my stomach crawls onto the keyboard and the results are beyond eyeroll-worthy. It’s hard enough to keep her in check while I’m living in my childhood bedroom – I can’t set her loose on the internet.
“I am a grown-ass woman!” I remind the mirror every morning, hoping to keep her quiet.
The adjustments have been made and the thoughts have started processing, so these are steps in the right direction.
The plan now is to write about this past month properly, but I’m not quite ready for a fully fleshed-out recount yet. Until then, I hope you’ll take this snapshot for the apology and mini-update that it is, and bear with me.